"I've been getting away with it for years "


Soon after releasing his successful album which in tribute to Frank Sinatra and had Nicole Kidman as special guest, the former Take That revises outspokenly his career, his romances, his relationship with fans and his black legend. Resting at the Sunset Marquis in Los Angeles, Williams wears a white linen shirt and discolored jeans. Obviously concerned about his health and good shape, he eats fresh fruits while he talks about his life, his music, his women an a certain ghost he lives with.

- Are you still as eager to make music as when you started your career?

- I've never been eager to make music.

- Then what is it that you want

- Who knows. I'm a very ambitious person who has no ambition at the moment. I'd love to know what it is that I really want to do, wouldn't you?

(...)

- They say you'll be the new James Bond. Is that something you want to do?

- Yes, I do, but I'm not concerned about that right now. I'm a bit scared, because I've been very hopeful that I might be an actor and - what if I can't? Do you know what I mean?

- Is fear your obstacle?

- Fear that I won't be able to do it.

- You've been successful before.

- But that doesn't empower me to be good (he laughs). I've been getting away with it for years.

- You seem to feel better about yourself now. Last year I read you were about to suffer a nervous breakdown before a concert you gave in Ireland. Why do you have those doubts about yourself?

- I don't have doubts. I know I can achieve anything, nearly. But this is not about that. It's just too huge to put up. You have 120 thousand people in a stadium, who have paid for the ticket to see you and you're not worth so much, so you think everybody have come to tear you to shreds (he laughs). That's how I felt.

- And now you're in a better place?

- I am, mentally.

- So you're over the drugs issue...

- No, I'm not over the drugs issue. I'm not over the drinking issue. You never are.

- Is it an everyday struggle?

- Well, it's not a struggle. It doesn't have to be, you can surrender. But they're always lurking.

- When you see other pop stars decline, do you think the same will happen to you?

- All I know is everybody else is screwed (he laughs)! And I say to myself, the bigger the star is, the more screwed they are. And I kind of think that's the way it is. I don't know.

- And you don't want to fit in that category!

- I already do! (he laughs) I'm already there, I've already bought the ticket. And there are those who have already bought the popcorn.

(...)

- You've said writing music is not enough to make you happy. What's you idea of happiness?

- My idea of happiness is simply to accept myself.

(...)

- So you don't feel lonely?

- Yeah, the hell I am. I'm unhappy (he laughs). No, not really, I'm fine.

- Have you ever found yourself in a situation when you felt you were losing your foothold?

- This morning just when I woke up. As soon as I lifted my head from the pillow, I was left far from the bottom (he laughs)! That's how it goes! It lasts until I have a cup of coffee and regain self-confidence a little. Every morning when I wake up I feel I lose my foothold.

- You're some kind of tortured soul.

- Uh, tortured soul? No, I'm just a complex character. I like being complex. It's much better than being unhappy. I'm just trying to understand a few things.

- What's your biggest fear?

- My biggest fear is what I think of myself is actually true.



Appeared in Clarín, January 14, 2002.

Translation by Carolina Friszman



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