Independent Perspective News - The break of marriage

What happens when a married couple splits and both members decide to go by their own? What is there to win and lose after separation? What's great and what sucks of post marriage life.

Farewell. Bye-bye. What happens when such a solid institution as marriage fades away and breaks down? What changes, either shallow or deep, does everyday life go through?

Marriage provides a sense of belonging, especially when it's a close, symbiotic relationship. One is "the husband of" or "the wife of". "When people divorce, they cease to be in that state of belonging, and which derives in a feeling of being", says psychologist Norberto Inda, a professor at the UBA who teaches the subject "The masculine condition". "Divorce makes that bond disappear".

The broken bond also lets go of certain comforts, everyday habits, tacit arrangements. "People recover their autonomy". (...) What to do with this autonomy, that's the question.

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Friends used to be friends.

Usually, people sign loyalty agreements with their friends. Inda tells us that some friends tend to polarize and state: "If I see her, who says that he's the lowest worm in the world, how can I go on seeing him?".

If they are friends of the marriage as a whole, the problem is different for the people who are now alone: they can be seen as an enemy of the couple that survived. "A divorced person is a potential threat".

Frieboes has a different point of view: "On the one hand, true friends stay. On the other, divorcees start all over with new people".

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Beauty and happiness.

"There's something pathetic about marriage - the belief that everything has already been conquered, that you should no longer try to appeal your couple -says Inda. In general, separated women get prettier. They need to be liked by someone else, not by that jerk they used to have by their side".

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Psychologist Vilaseca hears a lot about male middle-aged divorcees' surprise that women are willing to mix. "Those who were used to making efforts to get women to pay attention are now fascinated with this new way to relate, which is making them reconsider their masculinity".

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According to most experts, both men and women can recover qualities that were hidden under the desire -or the mandate- of pleasing their couple. "That's why there's no divorce party", Inda quotes a divorced friend who alluded to the mourning. In some cases, there should be.